Archives for July 2014

I am amazed at how much people have to offer when I ask them about themselves. I have no idea how deep a person is until I really listen and learn about their experiences and their worldview. Things that might go unnoticed or be cast aside as unimportant can take on a whole new significance in the context of someone elses life story.

The challenge (as I see it today) is to share without being a bore. Bores talk about themselves without ever taking a moment to express any sort of interest in the person they are talking to. Boring people may have lived extraordinary lives but no one will ever know that. This is because they refuse to pause long enough to get anyone engaged through relating to other peoples life experiences.

I have struggled with finding a balance between talking about myself and gently exploring other people’s stories. There have been times when I just kept my mouth shut and felt like I was so insignificant that my tales did not deserve to be told. Other times I have been like a lunatic spouting off about the most mundane and inconsequential details of my foolishness that, in hindsight, I would have left the room to avoid hearing the conclusion of my own rants.

One reason people are not widely known is not because they do not post enough to Facebook (or whatever social media platform(s) they inhabit). The reason for their anonymity is that they seldom develop a dialog with others concerning the lives of the people they are talking to (or at). After they “like” a comment they move on to describing their next “amazing” experience or brilliant insight.

Conversations are built on the practice of give and take. When someone takes without giving, conversations end. I am describing a bigger picture, not just an individual post here or there. The real reason why some people remain isolated is because they do not seek to really know anyone else, deeply, on a one-to-one basis over time. This requires a commitment to relationship and persistence in practice.

If you want to be better known, go out and get to know someone else.

Quit when what you are doing does not serve your mission in any way.  In order to know when this is you will need to define your mission and compare the projects you are working on to your overall purpose in life.

This is, of course much easier said than done.

Some results take hours, some weeks some months and some results take years to manifest.  Why would you want to invest years (or even hours) on something that distracts you from your mission in life?  Most things that do you will either move you closer to your genuine purpose or drive you farther away from it.

A good place to start is by asking yourself what are you drawn to and why you are drawn to it.  Examine your heart as well as your mind and see if you can start to find words that accurately describe what you honestly believe is your mission in life.  I suggest that you write down the ideas that come up when you search your soul for your real purpose.

It is important to record in some way the answers that reveal them selves to you and to realize that it may take a few swipes at it before you start to get a real grip on the truth of the matter.  This can be a life changing experience if you apply the results of your inquiry to your day-to-day life.  Just like anything else of value, if you do not choose to act on it, then there is a really large chance that it will not have any effect at all.

Once you have some concrete evidence of your inner search, you can revisit it and refine it.  By writing down your answers to life’s most compelling questions, you open the door to using that information to make better choices and ultimately discovering the best use of your time on earth.  This is not for those who do not care or for those who are content to make excuses.  This is for people who choose to own their life and their decisions.

Knowing what your mission is will help you to decide when to keep going.  The projects that are in alignment with your true purpose are worth pursuing even if they are not getting you any immediate and/or practical results.  You may need to recalibrate your expectations and rework your plan in order to complete some projects.  The main point is to keep on doing do what is right for your greater purpose and eliminate as much of the distracting and potentially destructive efforts you put forth.

I have found a great resource to get started down this road.  Owner Magazine editor, Chris Brogan, has a knack for building community and the material he publishes is relevant and deeply substantial.  I am personally working my way through two of his courses and have grown considerably in the short time since I started (as I trust anyone would if they were to take this stuff seriously).  I am not alone in feeling that there is great value in Mr. Brogan’s work (he is a New York Times bestselling author who has found a way to use one word to get huge results), if you would like to see for yourself check this out:

Owner’s Mastery Foundation Group (affiliate)

Or, if you really want to get to the next level quicker, try:

Owner’s Path (affiliate)

Either way, I’ll be right there alongside with you, happy to answer any questions and support you on the path you choose because it has chosen you!

It was the end of the summer and I was living in the city. The air was heavy and wet. It smelled like old garbage in thick plastic bags. It was dusk but the neighborhood was still waiting for sanitation workers to drive by and toss their discarded evidence into the crushing mechanisms of poorly maintained, screeching trucks. I could see layers of apathy in the dark paint flaking off the lampposts as I walked up the street from the bus stop on my way home from work.

I had a job downtown and a place in bed next to my girlfriend in Spanish Harlem. She was about 10 years older than I and couldn’t be trusted, not even with telling me her real age. Alcoholism destroyed any chance we had of lasting as a married couple, although we did try a few years later in Tucson.

An urgent crowd running toward me amplified the thick, constant noise of urban life. I knew enough to not engage unless completely necessary, so I kept my head down after recognizing the possible threat approaching. I had about three blocks to walk before I could secure myself in the semi-protective environment of the brownstone I was living in. But that wasn’t going to help me if that group of citizens decided to pick up the pace.

Suddenly, two dense cracks sounded and I sensed the familiar scent of burnt gunpowder dissolving in the breeze. I knew that aroma from my activities years ago firing a .22 caliber rifle from the prone position during my experience at sleep-away camp. I was aiming at beige targets with black concentric circles printed on them. We rated our accuracy based on the number of rounds fired and their proximity to the center. This was different; there was no backboard to capture the distorted lead projectiles.

I heard the slugs hit and slide along the curb a few feet from my left side and my heart rate doubled. Two blocks to relative safety as I stepped my pace. I could feel the mob closing the gap as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up to watch. Then, just as quickly as they assembled, the people behind me dispersed and went their separate ways home.

I arrived intact at the aged wood barrier to my living quarters, key in hand, and efficiently let myself in. Having just passed unscathed through a moment in my life that had the potential to be disastrous, I reflected on my situation and chose to relocate. We moved to Brooklyn within a month. Then, after a year of enjoying life in a first floor railroad apartment with a garden in Kings County, we boarded a plane to Arizona.

I seldom look back with regret and often find myself deeply involved with expressing my gratitude.