I am amazed at how much people have to offer when I ask them about themselves. I have no idea how deep a person is until I really listen and learn about their experiences and their worldview. Things that might go unnoticed or be cast aside as unimportant can take on a whole new significance in the context of someone elses life story.
The challenge (as I see it today) is to share without being a bore. Bores talk about themselves without ever taking a moment to express any sort of interest in the person they are talking to. Boring people may have lived extraordinary lives but no one will ever know that. This is because they refuse to pause long enough to get anyone engaged through relating to other peoples life experiences.
I have struggled with finding a balance between talking about myself and gently exploring other people’s stories. There have been times when I just kept my mouth shut and felt like I was so insignificant that my tales did not deserve to be told. Other times I have been like a lunatic spouting off about the most mundane and inconsequential details of my foolishness that, in hindsight, I would have left the room to avoid hearing the conclusion of my own rants.
One reason people are not widely known is not because they do not post enough to Facebook (or whatever social media platform(s) they inhabit). The reason for their anonymity is that they seldom develop a dialog with others concerning the lives of the people they are talking to (or at). After they “like” a comment they move on to describing their next “amazing” experience or brilliant insight.
Conversations are built on the practice of give and take. When someone takes without giving, conversations end. I am describing a bigger picture, not just an individual post here or there. The real reason why some people remain isolated is because they do not seek to really know anyone else, deeply, on a one-to-one basis over time. This requires a commitment to relationship and persistence in practice.
If you want to be better known, go out and get to know someone else.
Well said Philip. As you know, my story is a little different to most. I try not to go on and on about it and am getting better at just giving the very short version then listening to the fascinating stories most people have to tell.
I think there is a two pronged problem in this digital age.
People feel compelled to create and consume so much content on many social media platforms that it all becomes superficial. As you rightly point out, dialogues do not develop. There is of course an entire industry of “gurus” with a vested interest in keeping us all engaged in this superficiality.
Secondly, the rushed environment most people live in, with more channels and forms of entertainment than most can handle. There is no time, and little inclination, to cultivate the deeper conversations that occurred in the past, during lengthy sit down dinners, relaxed coffee shop encounters or family gatherings.
Rural dwellers of the last century had the village store, markets and cattle sales as gathering places where dialogue took place without the distractions we have today.
I completely agree with you, Peter.
Last year, my wife and I had the pleasure of enjoying the company of a couple we had met several years ago and had finally invited over for dinner. The conversation flowed and we learned so much more about each other in those few hours than we had ever before through the phone calls, email and Facebook comments we had shared over the previous decade. There is no substitute for face to face, sharing the same air, spending quality time together interaction. I hope that it makes a comeback instead of fading out of style like so many other valuable habits our modern “society” seems to undervalue.